Blogging on the Backburner

**this is a hard post for me to write, but it's going to be an honest one and one that I feel needs to be written**

It's been a long time since I've had even a moment to sit down at the computer and type out. Life has run away from me and I'm trying to just keep my head above water. I have never felt so completely alone. 

I'll pause here and say that I have an amazing and supportive husband whom I love with all my heart. But things aren't always happy-go-lucky and we have hit a few rough patches along the way. I also have a wonderful family who has stood by my side and helped out wherever they can. I am forever thankful for them and I am blessed to have them in my life.

But that being said, I still find myself alone. I'll use that analogy of standing still in a sea of people, you know the one I'm talking about? The one where a single person is just standing there with everyone just moving in blurs around them? That's how I feel. I'm that person just standing there watching everyone move in a fast pace around me.

Everything around me is going extremely fast and I feel like the slug who can barely keep up.

I feel stuck. I feel abandoned.

With everyone zooming by, no one seems to take notice of me. This has been going on since getting pregnant with Squish. No one seemed happy for us and no one seemed to want to celebrate with us. I was left alone. I started to really get down about this. No one seemed to care about this new little boy and our growing family. They definitely didn't check up on me to see how I was doing. 

And honestly, I was struggling. I was exhausted. Barely keeping my head afloat. And I was alone. The repeated message was that nobody cared.

Fast-forward to Squish arriving. All 9 lbs 10 oz of him. I was hoping for a change. And I did get one. Thanks hormones. But I did get a change. I became even more alone and sequestered. Again, I didn't feel anyone (outside of family) truly cared about how I was doing or how I was feeling and coping.

I soon found myself traveling down that deep dark road. Everything set me off. I cried at a drop of the hat. Sure, I was happy enough. I could smile and there were times of complete happiness, and really I am happy. I'm just alone. I have no support system outside my husband and family and life is hard without a support system. Friends don't exist, and even if they did exist, our schedule is such that I can't even think about going out. But I guess it's just nice to be invited and thought of when planning something.

Community is a big part of life and I feel like my community abandoned me when I needed them most. 

So here I am, writing this and I'm extremely nervous to publish it. This whole alone feeling is awful and it's kind of a downward spiral. Because of all these negative emotions and feelings, I find myself not enjoying the little things going on. It's put a strain on my relationship with my husband. 

And what just adds fuel to the fire is dealing with a very difficult baby. I love my little boy, and I once heard a description for a child and it suits him perfectly: he's the happiest unhappy baby on the planet. 

That's hard for me to admit. Admitting that I have a hard baby makes me feel like I am a failure at being a mom. I feel like I'm failing my baby. And because he takes so much attention, I feel like I'm failing at loving on Bug. 

And here I am with tears in my eyes.

Postpartum depression is real. And it's a struggle.

To add to the craziness, things with the hubs's job is once again up in the air. We're very thankful that he has a new parttime job, but the job that brings in the bacon is in transition and we don't know where we're going to be in the next few months. It's hard. And it all just compiles and I find myself wanting to run away.

But in the sadness, I know there is Hope. 

she reads truth

I recently saw this quote by Meister Eckhart about beginnings. That's what this is. This is a beginning. Beginnings are scary. I didn't want to change. I don't like change (unless it's to my house, that's fine and I welcome that kind of change), but I feel like a new beginning is what is good for me.

source

Basically, life has been really hard lately so this little blog has fallen by the wayside. I hate that. This is one place I feel like I can have a since of community. It may be weird, but it's true. Thanks to this little blog, I've found some really good friends. I just wish they were closer!

So here's hoping for a little more normalcy in my life (also known as a baby who actually goes to sleep before 1 am and will let me lay him down) and the ability to catch everyone up on the goings on! I mean, tomorrow Squish will be 5 months new so there's a LOT to catch up on!

There's a reason for my absence...

Introducing the newest member of the Beautiful Family Affairs family...

Born at home on September 5, 2014 at 11:32 weighing a whopping 9 lbs 10 oz and measuring 22 inches long. 

I love little baby toes.

My little cowboy.

His belly just makes me smile!

I love this picture of my two little loves. It took a lot to get it, and if you look closely enough, you can see a little tear on Bug's cheek. The instant we put Little Guy in her lap, she broke down in tears and kept saying "No!" It was really kinda funny. The only way we got her to smile was to ask her to give him a kiss. She absolutely loves giving him kisses and blankets and "pats" on the head. If he's crying, she'll run to him and check on him. 

We're all still adjusting after 4 weeks of him being here. We're absolutely smitten with him and he is such a cuddle bug!

I hope to share my birth story soon, but this little guy is keeping us on our toes with sleep. I think he and his sister have it worked out where Mommy and Daddy get as little sleep as possible. Those little stinkers are already plotting against us! 

5 Weeks Left...

5 weeks, 35 days, until baby day. Of course the hubs and I were talking and it really could be anywhere from 2 weeks to 7 weeks away. Or he could decide to come tomorrow...but we're going with the idea that he wants to cook for a while longer. 

We went for an ultrasound on Friday to see how he was measuring. As of now, according to the ultrasound, he's weighing in at over 6lbs (according to babycenter.com he's supposed to weigh a little over 5lbs), his femur is measuring right on track, his abdomen is measuring a week ahead, and his head is measuring two weeks ahead. Big baby. But Bug came out at 8lbs 2oz, so I'm thinking he'll be closer to 9lbs when all is said and done. I'm meeting with my midwife tomorrow to go over everything and see how things look. As of now, we're going ahead with our plan for a waterbirth at home!

These next 5 weeks will be filled with cleaning, rearranging, nesting, creating, resting, and generally just soaking up time with my little girl. The nursery is almost set up. I just have to get the dresser in there and all the clothes sorted. Bug and Little Guy will be sharing a room, so we've got it all set up for that. And Bug has successfully transferred over to her big girl bed! We ended up going with a twin and we are loving it! But that's a whole other blog post. I also feel the need to get the carseat in the van. Unfortunately, the actual carseat is at my parent's house, but we have the base here. I can get that installed, that is the difficult part after all.

Also, I feel the need to introduce the newest member of the family! Meet Meeska (props to the first person to comment where the name originated from)! We got this little girl from the animal shelter last week and she has found herself to be the perfect fit for our family! Bug loves her and she loves Bug too. See their relationship is so much fun and I can't wait to watch Bug grow up with her cat. I know it seems crazy that we would get a cat 5 weeks before we welcomed a newborn into the family, but she fits so well and is so easy to have, that I don't think it will be a problem. It is going to be interesting to see how all four of us (Bug, Little Guy, Meeska, and myself) fit when we decide to cuddle. And I am not giving up my cuddles!

So anyway, we've got 5 weeks left (give or take, of course). I don't know whether to panic or take my time...I guess we'll see!

follow my on Instagram (at)alliw009 for more pictures!

Dealing With Discontent

Lately, I've been struggling a lot with not being content with where I am in life. I find myself yearning for more. Not much. Just a house with lots of land where it's safe for Bug and Little Guy to run around and play. A house with a better layout and a wider living room. 

I guess I've just been feeling trapped in my house. But that's what happens when you're operating with one vehicle. There isn't much room for us to go, Bug and me. You see, currently we live in a 1200 square foot house (which is almost 3 times as big as our first place) that has a very odd layout. The layout is very strange and difficult to explain. Our biggest problem is the living room. It is long and narrow and there is nowhere for furniture and with Bug's toys, it gets crowded very easily. Sometimes I get claustrophobic and feel like the walls are closing in on me. The bedrooms are great, no complaints there, and the kitchen/dining room combo works but isn't my favorite. The bathrooms are odd. I don't know what these builders were thinking when they built our guest bathroom, but who only puts a tub and not a tub/shower combo?!  I mean, it's great for bathing Bug and soon to be Little Guy because the tub is huge, but eventually they're going to grow up and want a shower and I would prefer them not to use mine. And what are our guests supposed to do? Go through our room to use our shower? That's just awkward for all involved. 

Then there's the yard. Though it's a big yard, it's a hill. And a pain. Taking Bug outside to play is no easy feat because she has a problem just walking around. We have a swing set to put up for her, but can't because there isn't a flat spot to set it up in! We need to get a truckload of dirt in, but that unfortunately costs money that we don't have. 

And the neighborhood doesn't really have any kids. I would love for Bug and Little Guy to have others to play with, but there just aren't any kids here and it makes me sad. Most of our neighbors stay to themselves and don't mingle. I guess that can be a good thing, but being a homemaker, it would be nice to have some neighbors to hang out with.

So I find myself dreaming of a different setting and a different house. I browse Zillow and Re/Max weekly (sometimes multiple times). I've found plenty of houses with lots of land that I love and would buy in a heartbeat. When I do have the chance to get out and about and drive around (yay for weekends and Bibi's who rescue us from time to time), I am constantly scanning the streets for those "For Sale" signs. It's silly, I know, but it's something that I do.

I understand right now that we are in an odd season of life. With the hubs in school and working full-time, we are committed to being here for a while. So I guess you'd say we're in a season of waiting. We have no idea where we'll go once he finishes school, so to be looking at houses is silly. We'll go wherever he can find work. And, more importantly, we'll go wherever God leads us. But I still can't help looking for another house. 

But then God gives us a day like today. It was beautiful out, so Bug and I decide to attempt playing outside. We wander up near the street and find a nice little spot in our yard where it's actually flat and we can play! Plus, the hubs's truck is up there and provides a good blockade from Bug wandering out onto the road. It was so much fun! I definitely have a rough and tumble princess on my hands! She's wearing her favorite red, tutu Minnie Mouse dress with tennis shoes on, in one hand she has a stick and the other a flower, and all the while she's chasing her ball and jumping the tree roots. And the whole time she's loving it. I had a great time too, until Bug discovered how fun it was to throw the ball under the truck and make me go and get it. This third trimester belly was not to keen on that idea. But it was fun and I'm glad we found that little spot! Now I hope we can get out and play more often.

I'm trying really hard to be content with what we have. I know God has us here for a reason and by not being content with these things, I could be missing out on a huge opportunity. My prayer for this week is that I learn to be content with where God has me. Has us.  

Ch ch ch ch changes

Whenever I think of life changes, this scene always pops into my head. Gotta love Shrek.

Well, it looks like BIG changes are coming to the beautiful family affairs family.

First, I've got to brag on my amazing husband! After his job being terminated last September, he has been doing everything possible to provide for our family and working his tail off. Well, starting next week he'll be going to school full-time! I'm so stinking proud of him for deciding to go back to school! He'll be studying automotive collision repair, a two-year degree program, as well as getting other certifications along the way!

 This decision was not one that was taken lightly. We explored option after option at what to do after his job ended, but God continued to lead us back to school. So we started pursuing this new dream that the hubs has. The first step was to pass the COMPASS test. Now, my husband wasn't the best in school and never did any more schooling than high school, so this test caused a lot of anxiety in our household. But he knuckled down and PASSED everything! I was - and am - so proud of him for doing that! So the next step was getting accepted, which he did! Yay! Another cause for celebration! Then...came for the finances. Let me tell you, we struggled with this, but you know what? God always provides and he got a full ride! That's right, y'all! My husband's tuition has been completely paid for! God is good all the time!

So that's the first big news! Starting next week, the hubs will be a full time student and I couldn't be more proud of him!

The next big news has a lot to do with the first. Because of all the changes that were going on with our family - the hubs starting school and a new member joining our family in August (um...hello third trimester where did you come from?!) - I had to leave my position as preschool director at our church. I felt that I needed to put more effort into my family and caring for them, especially with the added stress that school brings.

With that being said, new opportunities have arisen for me. With the hubs starting school, I knew that I wanted to find something I could do from home, where I could set my own hours and be my own boss, to help out financially where we need it. I had been looking at different things, when I saw my friend posting all these new things about Norwex on Facebook. It caught my attention right away and I just had to figure out what it was all about. I fell in love with the product and mission and I am now proud to announce that I am a new independent consultant for Norwex! 

What is Norwex? Norwex is a new way to clean without chemicals! All you need is water! A great way to go "green" in your living. If you're curious about our products you can check out my website:

www.alliwoody.norwex.biz

or feel free to attend my Facebook launch party:

https://www.facebook.com/events/541551355945979/

or you can email me at:

beautifulfamilyaffairs@gmail.com.

I'm so excited about what this company has to offer and their amazing products! I would love for you to check it out and join us. You'll be hearing a lot more about Norwex in the coming weeks.

But yeah, that's about it...big changes are happening over here. We're trying really hard to not be overwhelmed by it all, but above all else, we're confident in where God is taking us.

Getting Back To It

Since December I know I've been here and there and everywhere, only posting randomly and without much content. For that I apologize. I feel like since I found out I was pregnant, things have been on a rocking roller coaster. Some great things. Some not so great things.

I feel like I'm getting out of the clouds. Finally, things are starting to settle down. I'm beginning to gain some energy here and there, but my nausea is still hit or miss. I guess there are good days and bad days with everyone, I just think pregnancy magnifies the good and the bad.

To top it all off, I've had the worst case of baby brain. I've had posts written out and had them all planned, only to either completely forget when I sit down to type or I fall asleep before I can write them down.

Starting Monday: pregnancy updates! I'll be 15 weeks and it's high time I get started on these things.

If you're curious as to what I've been up to, follow me on Instagram @alliw009

I know there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I just pray this "second trimester energy" thing isn't a myth. I remember it with Bug, but this time around it seems to be avoiding me!

Greetings from the Happiest Place on Earth!

I interrupt your Friday for a brief moment to tell you all hello from the happiest place on the planet:

DISNEY WORLD!

More on our trip next week! Also, with a special announcement and exciting news for the blog!

Blog Post - and a Happy Valentine's Day!

Do you ever have a blog post written in your head, then when you sit down to write it, it magically disappears? That seems to be happening to me more and more lately. Can I still blame the baby brain? 

I do blame it on the chaotic schedule and the inability to blog as often as I'd like.

Even as I type this, Bug is in her crib trying her darn-dest not to sleep; i.e. crying loudly. I'm trying to let her cry it out right now. It's an hour past bedtime. She's been rocked, nursed, kissed, and prayed over. Nothing seems to do the trick though. I know she's tired. She's just refusing to sleep. Right now we've been going on an every other day schedule. She'll have a great night's sleep, then the next it'll be another one where she fights sleep and then she's up every few hours. Stupid molars. It makes me hurt for her.

This whole crying it out thing is hard. I hate hearing her cry. We've taken to bringing her back out after a while and letting her lay down on my chest while we watch the Olympics with all the lights turned out. It seems to calm her a little until we all go to bed. 

Anyway...Happy Valentine's Day to all and to all a good night!

source

I interrupt this blogging hiatus to bring you...

We survived Snowmageddon 2014! And you know what? We had a blast! 

(you thought I was going to say I'm pregnant didn't you? haha)

It was crazy how fast and hard the snow came. We were not expecting it at all. Which led to all the traffic and congestion and horrible-ness that happened in Atlanta. I know most people are going to say that "yes, you knew," but here where I live, we didn't get included in the warning until after the first snow flakes started falling. Big surprise to us!

It was a mess. But a beautiful mess. So many people helping others. It was a beautiful thing to see all those people helping each other out. Teachers and principals sleeping at their schools with students and keeping spirits up. People going back out with food and water to help those who were stranded in their cars. People opening up their homes and stores. It was amazing to see. It was also chaos. My mom was stuck at her school until after 11 and my dad had to walk home. Thankfully, all we had to do Tuesday was in the morning, so we were home by a little after noon. It had been snowing for noon hours by then and there was already icy spots on the road (I know, I hit one). 

But we are safe and we are warm and we had fun playing in Bug's first snow. There's still some out there, but it's starting to melt. I'm praying that the refreeze tonight isn't too bad, but I'm not getting my hopes up. The hubs went back to work tonight and was out and about and said that the road outside our neighborhood was still pretty bad.

I hope everyone else out there is doing well and weathering this storm and staying warm!

I hope to resume blogging on a "normal" basis Monday. It all depends on Bug's sleeping habits. I'm hoping my good sleeper comes back!

Mountains, Gandalf, mountains

source: national geographic

"i want adventure in the great wide somewhere, i want it more than i can tell." - belle; beauty and the beast

"i want to see mountains again, Gandalf, mountains." - bilbo baggins, lord of the rings

do you ever get the urge to just pick up and go somewhere? the hubs and i have been talking about what the future holds, with his job up in the air, we don't know where that may lead us down the road. we've been here before. the week before we got engaged, the hubs lost his job due to the economy. he was in between jobs until a week before we got married. God always provides. then, in the last couple of months of my senior year, the job that he was in ended. we were again without a job and i was still in school. God provided again with a job, but this job forced us to move 45 minutes away from my school. God still provided. but that was just a temporary job, and 3 months after receiving this job, it ended. i had graduated from school, we were living with my parents, and the whole world was in front of us.

this is when the talk of us moving to Peru to do missions. we prayed about it. talked to the church we were attending then about it, and we were willing to go. we prayed that God would provide us with clear answers as to what He wanted us to do. we left to go visit Texas with an open heart as to what we would do when we returned home. God again provided and let us know where He wanted us. He provided both of us with jobs back home before we left Texas. we knew what we were coming home to. 

We have scrounged for money, been completely up in the air with our future, had no idea where the LORD was going to take us.

Now, after 3 years of consistency, with the hubs having a good job, myself having an amazing part-time job, a beautiful daughter, and living in our house for 2+ years, his job is once again being held in the balance. we've been told that things are changing, but that is the extent of what we've been told. we don't know when things will be changing or how they will be changing, just that things will be changing. 

here we are again at a crossroads. we don't know where God is going to take us this time. all we know is that God will provide. He has provided over and over again in our past, and we trust that He will continue to provide in our future. 

saying this though, i'm here, looking at our unknown future, wanting to go out and explore the world. the travel bug has bitten. i want to go out and explore the world, and i want to take Bug with me. i want her to experience new things and see the beauty that God has created. i want to live simply. love more. and solely trust God to provide everything we need.

do you ever get this way? does the travel bug ever just bite you and make you want to go out on an adventure? i'm thinking out west sounds good about right now...

Solving the World's Problems

It's 12:30 and I sit here absolutely exhausted. The hubs and I spent the day working on the house, plus I had to take care of the Bug. She was wonderful and enjoyed spending the morning outside with us while we painted. But as the day went on, the more tired she got and the harder it was to please her without having her bouncing on my hip. I wasn't feeling well. I was hungry. I was trying to take care of a screaming baby plus cook dinner.  I wasn't handling everything well.

But I got her bathed.
I got her fed.
And I got her down.

She has now been asleep since 7:15. My poor girl was exhausted. 

So now I sit here, trying not to fret about life. Trying to solve the world's problems. But nothing gets solved at 12:30. Only worry ensues. 

Worry about decisions that need to be made.
Projects that need to be finished.
Plans that need to be planned.

But the world's problems cannot be solved at 12:30. At least, not by me.

So instead, I sit here with a cup of hot tea, dreaming of the cuddles I get to share with my girl in the morning. Those sweet cuddles that I cherish so incredibly much, because I know they're all too fleeting. 

Wonders in this universe

I want to look for these wonders. I don't want them to pass me by. I am going to look hard for these wonders and I am going to take joy in them and praise the One who created them.

**this is not a quote from the actual Vincent Van Gogh, rather it is said by the character Vincent in the episode Vincent and the Doctor from the Doctor Who series**

Intentional Living

As a new mom, life takes on a new meaning. A new purpose. A new responsibility. A new life.

I want live with an intentional, joy seeking heart. 

I want to look for the good in life, despite all the tragedy that surrounds.
I want to be wise with my time.
I want to be healthy.
I want to exercise.
I want to watch less tv and listen to more music.
I want to put more into my relationships.
I want to enjoy life.
I want to see the beauty that is all around.
I want to dance with my daughter.
I want to rock my baby to sleep.
I want to be a Proverbs 31 wife.
I want to spend more time growing in my relationship with my Heavenly Father.
I want to live the life He has planned for me.
I want to smile.
I want to laugh.
I want to love.

Living intentionally. Living with a purpose. 

That is my goal. 

inspired by Casey Wiegand

Life Lately

  

She's trying so hard to roll over!!// There's nothing cuter than a naked baby! // Demolition on our master bath begins!

  

No more bathroom // Sleeping peacefully // After midnight and renovations are going strong 

    

Rocking the Wyoming shirt from Aunt Rebekah! // We have 3 walls and a tub! // Morning cuddles with Mommy

    

Entertaining herself with the front view camera during small group // Reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets // "What's up, Mom?"

Go Braves!!

Clearly life has been a little busy here. Follow me on Instagram to keep up with life here

{at}awood009

Off Grid

These past few weeks have been kinda chaotic. I don't really know what all has been going on, I just know that they've been crazy. So I've fallen off the wagon. Here are a few pictures and updates from instagram (you can follow me @ awood009) 

We got the car seat installed! I know I'm only 32 weeks and this might be a little too early to get things done, but I'd rather have it ready in case anything happens!

Impromptu 32 week photo session (we were taking pictures for our thank you cards)

My car seat canopy came in the mail! I got a GREAT deal on this and couldn't be more thrilled with the way it turned out!

We started off our vacation with waffles!

My 31 week bump!

Going through clothes for my baby girl :)

A gift from wonderful friends! I love the sock monkey bottom and booties!

My best friend threw me the best baby shower ever! I'm so lucky to have all these wonderful people in my life and they already love our little girl so so much! Also, me at 30 weeks!

Hopefully I'll get into the swing of things once things settle down. Of course, with the holidays coming up there's not telling what could happen. All I know is that this week is a week for the hubs and I to nest and decorate and spend time together.

Ode to Pregnancy Emotions

Okay, so maybe not an ode. That just sounded good in the title.

But seriously, pregnancy emotions, what are you doing to me?! One minute I'm fine, the next I'm curled up in a ball on the couch crying and can barely contain myself, the next I'm mad at the world.

I hope I'm not the only one feeling this way. And when I get this way the only thing that seems to make it better is a Wendy's Frosty. 

I mean, just look at the yummy goodness. I dropped enough hints with the hubs, so let's see if he comes home from work with one. 

Anyway, I'm sitting here breathing deeply trying to get these emotions in check. I know they're not a true representation of how I'm feeling and they're all just out of wack because of these lovely things called hormones. But it's all worth it, right? The ups and downs will all be worth it once this baby girl is here!