This whole being a mom thing is surreal. You start preparing for mommyhood when you start talking about getting pregnant. Then the instant you get pregnant, preparation kicks in hardcore. You have nine months to really get it in your head that you are going to be a mom! It should sink in then...that in nine months (give or take a few days/weeks) you are going to be responsible for a little person.
At least that's supposed to be how it is...right? You're given nine months to prepare for the change...
But how do you prepare for the change?
I knew it was coming. I had nine months to prepare. So why does it all still seem so surreal. Ever since we brought Baby Girl home, I feel like it's only temporary. I feel like I'm babysitting someone else's child and that eventually I'm going to have to give her back. This feeling seems to be the strongest at night. Whenever we both wake up for a feeding, I feel like I'm in some sort of dream. That the little girl in my arms that I love so much isn't mine.
Of course, I know this isn't true. There's no denying this little one. She's definitely mine, and I'll always claim her. I guess I'm still adjusting to this little person being here. And you know what, I think this feeling is okay. I think it's normal. At least that's what I'm telling myself to make me feel better...
Do any of you other first time mommies feel the same way? Or those that remember being a first time mommy, did you ever feel like this?
See, there's no denying this sweet face...she has my eyes and the hubs's everything else. I mean, she is our child! And I'm happy to keep her ever day ending in "y"!
(the first picture is of me as a newborn and the second is of the hubs)
January 14th came and went. Baby Girl's due date. I woke up like every other morning, got dressed, and went to work. It's a good thing I did too, because there was a lot that I needed to get done. Of course, going to work on your due date comes with a lot of comments. I kept getting "You're still here?" and "When's your due date?" I just laughed at it all and walked around a lot. I was determined to get this baby here ASAP. I got home and had contractions here and there, but every time I thought something was getting started they just died down and disappeared. I was a little disappointed, I didn't really want to go to work the next day. But of course, that's what was in the cards.
January 15th comes around. I had a doctor's appointment at the end of the day. So I left work early, yes I was still at work, and went in for a check up. I finally let them check me and I was at 3 centimeters dilated. Progress! They also hooked me up to a monitor to check to see how Baby Girl was handling things. Everything seemed perfect. I was having contractions, and Baby Girl was doing just fine. They decided to strip my membranes in order to hopefully get something started, they also scheduled me an ultrasound for the 17th. You see, I was measuring 43 weeks at 40 weeks. A little big. So we scheduled it for Thursday morning so the hubs could go with me. Mom met me at the doctor's office and we decided to head to the mall to get things going even more. Still nothing happened...
January 16th was pretty much the same...I went to work, walked around, and told everyone "Hopefully I won't see y'all tomorrow." I had taken a half day already for the doctor's appointment, and I was kinda hoping they'd just tell me to head straight to the hospital.
The morning of January 17th comes and the hubs and I get ready to go and see the doctor. I suggest grabbing the bag just in case they send us on ahead, but the hubs said no. His logic was we can always stop by the house on the way to the hospital. So I agree and we head to go and see how our baby girl is fairing. We get there and I'm starting to get nervous. I just want to go to the hospital and have this baby! We get called back to the ultrasound room and get ready to see how big this baby girl really is. Turns out, she's perfect size, nothing to worry about in that sense...but we had another problem, her fluids were really low. The lowest fluids can get is 7, and that's where they were. The ultrasound tech said we would most likely be induced today...Okay, we say and we're walked to go meet with the doctor. She walks in and immediately says those magic words, "Head to the hospital." She didn't even check me, all she said was "I'll see you again in a little bit." I wasn't planning on being induced, but that's what baby needed and that was okay. I was ready to get baby girl here.
So the hubs and I head home to pick up the hospital bag and I grabbed something quick to eat. I knew I probably wouldn't get anything to eat once I got to the hospital. I called my mom to tell her the news. She then sent out the word to family. Next was to call work and tell them I wouldn't be coming in that day, or for the next 12 weeks for that matter.
We get to the hospital and check in. Mom beat us there and had already been up to the room to pray over it. It was perfect and I'm very thankful she got there before us to pray. There was a certain peace when we got there. They started me off on the lowest level of pitocin and my doctor came in to break my water (such a weird feeling!) and check me. I had already progressed to a 4 from when they last checked me. Progress! This was around 12:30.
Contractions started to pick up. It was kind of fun to watch them peak. Is that weird? We passed time by watching TV. I can't really remember what we watched. I do remember that the hubs tried to show me a youtube video during the middle of a contraction. I didn't really appreciate it at the moment.
Here's the video, to give him credit, it is actually quite hilarious...I just had to watch it again after the contractions were over.
Soon the contractions got really intense. I asked for some Demerol to help me out. I was able to take a little "nap". I say nap, really I just laid there with my eyes closed and breathed deeply. When I woke up I called the hubs over to talk about an epidural. I said I would go as long as I could without one and I felt that I had reached that point. Not only was I having contractions, but I was throwing up. I couldn't handle both. Epidural it was. So the anesthesiologist came and got me some medicine. But it didn't take fully. I felt everything on my left side.
Before I knew it, I was at 10 centimeters and it was time to start pushing.My little girl was here at 8:31pm. I was in labor for 7 hours and pushed for 1 hour. Clearly my little girl was ready to be here, she just needed a little push. I do feel like if we had waited one more day she would have decided to come on her own, but we did what was needed and I wouldn't change a thing! My baby girl is here and she's perfect.
I did tear, and there was a little meconium in the water, so it was another hour before I got to hold her. That about killed me. I wanted my little girl in my arms! But I had to get stitched up and she needed to be cleaned up and checked. After we were both deemed presentable, she was in my arms and nursing. It was perfect.
Bibi and Papi (my parents) and Grammy and Dedu (the hubs's parents) all came in to meet our little angel. It was such a sweet moment.
I'm just so happy to have my little girl here and I'm loving every moment with her!
Today my precious angel is two weeks old. It's hard to believe how big she has gotten! I'm doing my best to keep her little as long as possible, but nothing seems to be working! She's only two weeks old and is already outgrowing her newborn clothes! What is that? Isn't she supposed to wear her newborn clothes for at least a month? I mean, she's still a newborn! But lo and behold, I don't think my precious baby girl is going to be in her newborn clothes very long.
We had her 2 week check up this morning, and Baby Girl is a chunk! If you recall, her birth weight was 8 lbs 2 oz. Then, at her check up 4 days after she was born, she dropped to 7 lbs 12.5 oz. Well, we went to weigh her today and she now weighs a whopping 9 lbs 1 ounce! She gained over a pound in a week and a half! Who does that? And no wonder she won't be fitting into her newborn clothes for very long. At least she's a cute little chunk.
I'm obsessed with her little hands!
Such a sweet little sleeper...when she wants to be.
Exhausted after our first Sunday at church. Everyone was so excited to meet Baby Girl!
We survived our first bad weather here in Georgia. I hate tornadoes, but they didn't seem to bother Baby Girl at all. We just hung out listening for the sirens and when they went off we headed to the basement where we hung out there for an hour watching tv on my computer.
"This is my grumpy face."
She had her first bath this past week as well. You can't tell from this picture, but she was actually quite content. I think the warm water soothed her. She just sat back and enjoyed it. And let me tell you, our bath that we use for her...It's amazing! It's the Fisher-Price Calming Waters Vibrating Tub and it she fits in it perfectly.
These past couple of weeks have been an adventure. She's been happy and content one day and then the next she doesn't want to be put down. But never-the-less, I love being a mommy. It's a great adventure and I'm so glad to be on it!
It's hard to believe that my baby girl is already a week old. It doesn't seem possible! (Sorry for a repeat of pictures for those of you who follow me on instagram)
Weight: Most likely you're back up to birth weight. At least that's my guess. You're such a chunk! We went to your pediatrician on Monday and you had dropped just a little bit - 7 lbs 12.5 oz. But I'm sure you have gained those ounces back. You're such a little piggy when it comes to eating.
Health: You seem to be very healthy and very content. Your umbilical cord fell off at six days. I admit, I may have cried a little bit. I'm not ready for you to start growing up! We were a little worried about jaundice because your skin was just a touch yellow, but your pediatrician wasn't concerned at all. Now, I'm happy to say that your coloring looks really good.
Sleep: Baby Girl, you are spoiling us! I'm getting 3-4 hour snatches of sleep in between feedings. It's been so nice. We've been dressing you in a sleeper sac and you just love it. I woke up a few days ago to feed you only to find your sleeves empty. You had learned to take your arms out of your sleeves and pull them up to your face through the top of your sleeper. Now, when we dress you for bed, I don't even bother to put your arms through your sleeves. If you want them through, you put them through. It's pretty cute.
Diet: You are strictly on breast milk, and you enjoy every bit of it! You are such a little porker. It's precious. We go about 2-3 hours during the day between feedings and 3-4 hours at night.
Clothes: You're still in your newborn clothes, and they seem to fit you just right. This is perfectly fine with me. I'm content with keeping you little forever.
Crying: Right now you really only cry when you're starting to get hungry. You let little whimpers out when you're sleeping. It's cute to watch you dream.
Baby Likes: You love your swing and your rock'n'play. You're currently sleeping in your rock'n'play at night and you just love it. Also, we have a teddy bear outfit that we dress you up in to take you out and you just love it! The instant you're in there, you fall asleep. It's adorable!
Postpartum: This week hasn't been too bad. I tore a little at birth so I had to get stitches. That has probably been the biggest problem. They are very uncomfortable, to say the least. It took me a while to get the hang of sitting and walking with the pain, but now the pain is pretty much gone and I'm starting to feel a relative sense of normal. Or rather, a new normal. Now, I'm having to get used to carrying to milk jugs on my chest.
Baby Girl, we are absolutely smitten with you. I mean really. Your Bibi has been here all week helping me, while your daddy goes back to work. We were lucky to get 5 days (thanks MLK holiday) with him before he had to get back to work. We're adjusting to life right now as a family of three, and let me just tell you that it's been wonderful. I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. You are beautiful, my darling daughter, and I am just so in love with you!
I did have a doctor's appointment yesterday though. I sat strapped to a monitor for at least an hour as they monitored Baby Girl's heartbeat and how she was responded to contractions - if I had any. I ended up falling asleep while they were monitored me. Oops. I couldn't help myself. This whole being pregnant thing is exhausting. And Baby Girl was being difficult as well. She didn't want to stay still and have her heartbeat listened to. She kept moving. Anyway, turns out I am having contractions (I knew that) and the baby is doing great (I hoped that was true). They finally checked me and I'm at 2 centimeters and they stripped my membranes. Ever since then, I've been cramping and contracting...as long as I'm moving. I don't feel a thing when I'm sleeping. Is that normal?
The doctors said they'll induce me if she doesn't come by Sunday on her own. I, of course, said that was fine as long as it was after the football game (GO FALCONS!). They also scheduled me for an ultrasound and stress test tomorrow. I'm hoping to not make it to the appointment. But who knows what'll happen. I'm still contracting. But nothing I can't handle right now. I'm going by the rule that if I can't talk through or walk through then I'll go to the hospital. So far I've been able to walk and talk through every one.
As of right now, I'm having contractions and Baby Girl has hiccups. An interesting combination.
Oh! And doctor said yesterday that she's predicting a big baby...How big you ask? She could be 9 pounds or over. Of course I take that with a grain of salt, but I guess we'll see tomorrow how big she really is at the ultrasound tomorrow.
Here's hoping that the next time you hear from me, I'll be announcing the birth of my beautiful baby girl!
Also! My bump pictures were featured over on Spearmint Baby! Go check them out here!
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