Struggles

I like to claim that I am a positive person. I like to picture the glass half full. Most times, more than half full. I find myself to be a dreamer. A person filled with hope. I like looking at the bright side of things.

So when things get dim, I start to struggle.

Things are dim. Things are worse than dim. They're getting dark. I know I need to focus on the good, and the fact that God will provide, but right now things are looking dim in my normally bright world.

I find myself looking at others and seeing into their lives. People I see who are buying new homes that are twice the size of mine. People going on vacation. People buying new things. Nice things. Things that I can't afford.

The hubs and I can't go on vacation. We can't buy new things. Our small home will have to last us for a while. Heck, we can't even afford to go on a simple date right now.

I find myself coveting things. Wanting things. Yearning for things. 

As of now, we are living on a very strict budget with enough room to pay for our house and utility bills (including phone and internet). We have little left over for food (but there is money for food..we're not going hungry) and gas. It's tight. The hubs's job will cover that and my part-time job will help out with medical bills. But I work for a non-profit, so if the money doesn't come in, I don't get paid. It can get stressful. 

It's getting stressful.

I don't like this "cup is half empty" thinking, but I do seem to go there a lot lately. Especially when I start thinking of all the things I would love to do with my family. 

But it's in the midst of all of these stressors that God likes to whisper in my ear. 

picture and words added by me

How encouraging is this?! God knew that I would have trouble, so He sent His Son to overcome the world. For me. Me. How amazing is that? 

Tonight, I am clinging to this verse. Tomorrow, I will cling to this verse. For the next few weeks, months, years, or however long it takes for us to get back on our feet, I will cling to this verse.

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

I share this with you in hopes that you see my struggles. It's hard to be the cup is half full girl. I'm trying to be. But it's not easy. Especially now when it's the first of the month and bills are due and I'm seeing how we're going to struggle. But I'm taking heart because my LORD and Savior has overcome this world. Also, I want you to see just how amazing my God is and how He takes my struggles and works them for His good.

New Beginnings

I have started this post a hundred times. I've written it over and over in my head. How do I start such a heavy post...

During the summer we got news that the hubs's job would most likely be outsourced. That's all we were given. We didn't know when it would happen or how it would happen or what exactly would happen. It was unknown. It was foreign. He was in a job where we thought he could grow and be secure for a while. This whole outsource thing threw us for a loop.

We were told it wouldn't happen until January. Then we were told it was happening before January. But it wasn't clear when. We were thinking maybe October. It wasn't clear.

Then, in late August, the company who his job was being outsourced to was chosen. Our hopes were high that maybe he could get on with that company. Those hopes were thrown into the trash when he met with the company. If he stayed in his current position, he would be taking a 40% pay cut and insurance would increase by 110%. Meaning, he would be making about 60% less than he was. 

That meant the job the hubs had been in for 3+ years and was good at and growing in was ending sooner than later and there was no way we could stay with the new company. It was time to begin looking for a new job. 

We looked for a job, but could never really find something that suited us. We kept waiting for God to open doors, but all around us doors and windows were closing. They're still closed.

Right now, the hubs is trying to start his own business. It's terrifying. I don't know what's going to happen. We don't know where our next paycheck will come from. It's not easy. 

But there are wonderful things that are happening. For the first time since Bug was born, heck, since before Bug was born, we've been able to spend time as a family. It's been so nice to have the hubs here to see and spend time with Bug. And Bug is eating up all the attention from her daddy.

Lemonade people. Lemonade. I will find and concentrate on the good that this situation brings.

So right now, the hubs and I are looking into other opportunities and trusting God to provide for us. We've been here before and God has always provided for us. This time will be no different. And until we know where He is taking us, we're soaking up all this family time.

Here's to new beginnings...